The Art of Dirty Talk

Things I wish somebody told me before

Chapter 2 - Diving Deeper 

Putting it into practice

Taking it into the streets

So there I was, practicing to see women as sexual creatures. After my first indoor exercise, it was now time to go out on the streets and look at women with this new lens.

I had received knowledge that women were probably just as horny as I was, but a voice inside of me was still telling me that my sexuality was bad, and their was divine and untouchable.

My attempts to talk dirty were therefore still very much off...

Some bad news first
The first times I talked dirty it was awkward and rehearsed, and turned my bed partners off completely, either by means of a laughing fit or by becoming annoyed. This was quite similar to the first times I tried to be dominant in the bedroom. Basically, it's the result of acting inauthentic whereby my partner felt unsafe.

Reason lies in the fact that this were not embodied, authentic expressions of myself. It was still supported by wanting to be something, rather than being it. The bad news for us all is that this phase is inevitable, we all have to fake it before we make it, the other bad news is that you will be exposed, as no one can become real without receiving honest feedback, but the good news is that this learning curve can actually be gently amped up, fun, vulnerable and deeply connecting.

What turns ME on?
But before we have an inkling of how to express myself in an authentic way, it was imperative to find out what turns ME on. So I have come up with two initial rules of thumb:

1) Authentic dirty talk makes me horny.
2) Don't ask her for what turns her on.

Ad 1). If I talk to my partner in a way that turns me on, she will feel how much it arouses me to speak those words and -whether or not she digs it- she will see me, exposed and horny, and that is usually a turn on for her.

Ad 2). Don't be asking a question. The whole dirty talk is an way for her to get out of the self-conscious mind, conditioned by society to be a Nice Guy or a decent girl, and an invitation to express all the energies that were suppressed by the mind, right? Now what happens if you ask a question? .... What do you think?

... Did you notice? Me asking that question got you up in your head trying to answer that question. And up in the head is the last place where I wanted her to be.

But what about asking for consent? Thankfully I found some guidance on how to find out if I was still acting consensual.

But first back to the streets.
So what I did was going into the streets, looking at women, and noticing the ways they expressed their sexual nature. The way they flicked their hands through their hair, the way they dressed up and and put on make up, the way they smiled and moved their curves when they noticed that someone was looking at her.

Exercise 2 – Start to see women as sexual creatures

So I went outside, took different routes and start to look at the waitress, the old lady waiting for the bus, the woman at the counter and observe them. 

I was afraid that this could become a bit sneaky, sleazy or creepy, looking at all these women. But I had genuine interest and noticed how most women appreciate being noticed.

Side note - How not to be creepy, needy, sleazy or greedy.

The antidote to being creepy, needy, sleazy or greedy is accepting rejection. 

Let me explain. If you are unclear about your intentions, and your behaviour is internally in-congruent, people will sense that and perceive that as awkward or creepy, if you make it your goal that she will be your bed partner you need her to achieve your goal. That's needy and very unsexy. If you are sleazy, you hide your intentions in order to avoid that your rejection is noticed, and if you are greedy you insist and deny the fact that you are being rejected.

If you accept that rejection is a part of life you start to own your desires and the fact that not everybody is into the same thing as you. And that doesn't mean that you are a bad person.

Dr. Robert Glover has a great exercise in which he makes it your goal to be rejected. Imagine that you aim to be rejected, as spiritual practice, and you are not trying to avoid rejection... inevitably you will stay open, in contact with her when she looks at you, and responsive, perhaps you nod, smile or wink.

As a result she will feel seen and found beautiful by you, rather than an awkward feeling that you are hiding or breathing down her neck.

Noticing sexual creatures

If you join me and go out on the streets, you will notice too that inside many women, there is a sexual creature, wanting to be noticed, and wanting to give her gift of radiance back.

Because, the reality was, sex is happening right before my eyes, I just needed to begin to train my brain to see it...

End of Chapter 2

In the next chapter we will investigate our ideal sex life






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