The Art of Dirty Talk

Things I wish somebody told me before

Bonus – Receiving verbally

Polarity switch

What about her?

What about her, you might think. Why do I have to expose myself, be vulnerable and possibly fail or get rejected? Well, being able to fail and get rejected is probably one of the most sexy traits out there. So my answer would be, because it makes you attractive.

If you on the other hand try to educate, improve and push your partner, you are behaving unsexy. It's not your job to mother your partner. If she feels inspired great, if not, things will get boring soon enough and at least you know where you stand.

But, we can always reverse polarity!
I am a great advocate of reversing polarity regularly. The doer has no idea what it is like to be done to, and how much trust and surrender this requires, unless he experiences it directly. The person that receives has no idea how hard work it is to be present, safe and in the lead, unless they experience it themselves.

So, if there is an opportunity in which you are in surrender and receptive you can be verbal too. It has a different flavour and purpose. The Doer is guiding the Receiver into a space in which she can stop making decisions and trusting his guidance. The Receiver on the other hand is encouraging the Doer to take the lead and rewarding him for any display of ownership, direction and authenticity.

So, if you are receiving one way or the other. This could be energetically, or physically being ravished or penetrated, then you can overcome any shyness by expressing the pleasure you receive and confirm the lead your partner has taken.

Sometimes polarity is about to switch but both partners need a little encouragement, then being verbal is a great catalyst.

Exercise - Dirty talk by the Receiver

Receiving with presence

Usually fuck talking is associated with being dominant, doing, penetrating and all those masculine qualities. But the submissive can fuck talk too. In fact it is a responsibility in my opinion to not collapse into the submissive or receiving position, but to stay present as well. There is no better way than to be verbal, indicate what you feel and express your most intimate stirrings.

Of course the rules for dirty talking from a receiving perspective are different, in fact opposite. Below examples are an indication of what can be said with each respective purpose. Words are powerful:

Relaxation, actively hand over control (that will empower him to assume his role as leader) 

• I am yours baby, just take me
• You can do anything you want 

Showing yourself (that will make it easy for him to stay present) 

• I get so horny when you look at me babe
• Just tell me what I can show you.

Taking instructions (that will keep the initiative with him and relax you even further) 

• Your wish is my command
• Am I doing it like you want it?

Ask questions, begging questions (as long as they have no implicit instruction) 

• Can you please fuck me, fuck me, fuck me?
• Can I suck your juicy cock babe? I will do anything to have your dick in my mouth. 

Showing him what you see or feel (it makes you vulnerable and he cannot argue with what you sense) 

• Ooooh yeah, I can feel your cock getting so horny (very horny to tell her what you see or feel)
• I can feel my pussy burn with desire (it invites him to put his attention there without giving him a feeling of inadequacy) 

Giving him compliments (if you mean them he will feel like he provides your needs, which is a deeply rooted desire) 

• Oh wow, your cock is so big
• I just love your presence babe 

Role playing (very sexy and it helps with establishing dominance and submission)

• Just play along with his role, you can add your feminine flavour, the innocent girl, the bimbo, the slut, the slave girl, the bratty girl (… be creative and just play along with a story)

Non-verbal or non-cognitive (long exhales and sighs are a sign of surrender) 

• Ahhhhh….
• Little cries or shrieks to show you are touched by what he does

In this exercise you can invite the women to verbally show herself. Stop doing anything if she is not verbal, and wait until she regains her presence and confidence to speak up in a feminine way.

This bonus exercise is the last one for a good reason, the man should never hide behind the fact that the woman is not open and radiant herself. He has his gift of presence, authenticity and leadership to give and she has her gift of trust, openness and radiance to give. If he can't open the woman, he should sniff his armpits first, before pointing any fingers. Only when the man is fully confident in his abilities before he should encourage the woman to become more verbal. If it turns out that she is not able to, willing to or lacking confidence to dirty talk, he can accept it or move on.

Final words 

As you might have noticed, dirty talking is not only a skill. To be able to fuck talk you have to be in touch and in acceptance with your own sexuality and you have to recognize the sexuality of the people around you and stop putting others on a pedestal.

The latter means that you will have to stop making yourself smaller and own your qualities. There are many saying about this, such as only when you love yourself you can love others or a better world starts with you. They are all true, and I believe that you can only compliment another if you can allow compliments in and you can only feel another if you can feel yourself. You would otherwise deny the admirer or the feeler.

I hope that the practices will have led to an increased awareness on where you limit yourself, where you had false ideas about yourself and others and where you can take steps to embody your deeper wishes, desires and boundaries.

In the end this was just one of the means to an end, the end I envisaged was to invite you to find out what you are, what you want and how you can get there, while in the meantime enjoying yourself. Not only in the bedroom but in daily life....

End of it all

This it it! Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat!






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